While visiting New York for a United Nations meeting, President Trump shot a supporter on Fifth Avenue Tuesday. It was the first official murder of Trump’s presidency not counting his assassination of the English language. Trump immediately granted himself a pre-trial pardon.
The woman’s husband said he supported the President’s decision to shoot her. “If President Trump thought she needed to be shot, I trust he did what he thought was best for her,” he explained.
“Honestly, I heard she was a fine person,” Trump said, “but I needed to keep my campaign promise. No matter what I do, people will support me.”
“How can she support you if she’s dead?” a reporter asked.
“You’ll find out. I don’t tell. I’m not like Obama. No president has ever shot more people than me. It’s really something. It’s not about me. It’s a movement. Look at the crowds we’re getting,” Trump added, pointing to a throng of people on a line for Hamilton tickets.
Following the murder, Trump saw a slight uptick in his popularity among his base of support. His overall approval rating jumped to 36% of the country has lost its mind.