Everyone has a worst day.
Mine happened ten years ago.

On February 16, 2016, I received a phone call. My father was gone.

Although I heard my father’s voice for the last time the night before, I’ve continued to hear it ever since. Some voices never leave you.

Over the years, I’ve written about loss and parenting in the hope that my experience might help others become more thoughtful parents and find ways to cope with grief.

Recently, I thought about what I could share that I haven’t already written. I decided to return to the most enduring lessons my father taught me.

Here are five lessons that continue to guide my life.

1. Don’t follow the masses.
My father taught me to resist cultural pressure—to reject materialism and never measure my worth by what I owned. He believed life’s essentials were few: food, water, shelter, and health. Because of his example, I live simply—free from envy and with gratitude.

2. Stand up for what you believe in.
Principle mattered to him. He believed that conviction without action is meaningless. When he believed something was right, he stood for it—calmly, firmly, and relentlessly.

3. Be a great listener.
My father never interrupted me. Not once that I can remember. He listened fully, his attention undivided. He cared about the details of my life because he cared about me. It was among his finest traits. True presence is rare, and I miss his every day.

4. Let go of the small things.
He used to tell me that most daily irritations would be forgotten within days, so we might as well forget them now. That advice has spared me unnecessary frustration and protected my peace of mind.

5. Be there when people need you most.
My father showed up for people. In moments of illness, crisis, or grief, he was steady and dependable. His example inspired me to be a source of support in other people’s hardest hours.

The deepest sadness of losing my father is not only his absence, but the lost opportunity to tell him—again and again—how grateful I am for everything he did for me.

In his final letter to me, he called me his “monument to the world.” I can only hope that, ten years later, I am building a life that would have made him proud.

Related: How My Parents Shaped My Life