To ensure the United States government has enough money to cut billionaires’ taxes and bomb innocent people, Republican presidential candidate Nikki Haley proposed increasing the age eligibility for social security on Tuesday. The plan would go into effect retroactively to 2020 and will only impact people currently 88 and younger. To qualify under the new social security requirements, recipients must prove they are “almost dead” and reside in hospice.

“Everyone has paid into it, so I believe the least we can do is give them something to remember it by as they are dying,” Haley said. “What could be more uplifting for someone in their final hours than to see some of their hard-earned money again?” she added. Haley’s campaign manager admitted that payments may be delayed up to two months, so there is “no guarantee eligible recipients will get anything before they expire.”