Terry Sanderson, 76, a retired optometrist, said he was seeing clearly when Shallow Hal star Gwyneth Paltrow plowed into him on a Utah ski slope and sent him “absolutely flying like Superman.” He sought $300,000 in damages for his medical bills and an additional $75 million to make the public happy. Paltrow’s defense team argued that Sanderson could not see properly because he was not wearing Goop’s new Miklos glasses ($495).

The judge criticized Paltrow’s judgment following the jury’s guilty verdict. “If you had provided the court with an ample supply of GOOPGLOW Morning Skin Superpowder ($85), things might have turned out differently,” the judge said. Paltrow said she would appeal the verdict, given that she had offered the court unspecified treats.

Paltrow said she was wearing Goop Psychic Vampire Repellant Spray ($1,295) when Sanderson smashed into her, which protected her from injury. She unsuccessfully countersued him for breaking a Goop Jade Egg ($575) in her Yula Leather Varsity Jacket ($3,999). For his injuries, the judge awarded Sanderson a Goop Vaginal Steamer ($300,000).