CDC Assures Americans Whatever Trump Has Isn’t Contagious

Dr. Anthony Fauci, the head of the National Institute of Allergies and Infectious Diseases, assured frightened Americans on Monday that Donald Trump’s personality disorder and other conditions, although cause for alarm, aren’t infectious. Fauci informed a worried public that they don’t need to wash their hands and face during Trump’s press conferences.

“A sociopath dominates and humiliates their victims, manipulates and cons people, displays a grandiose sense of self, incapacity for love, extreme narcissism, verbal outbursts, callousness, a lack of empathy, infidelity, including sexual assault and rape, rage, criminal conduct, and paranoia, never recognizes the rights of others, views their self-serving behaviors as permissible, believes they are all-powerful and all-knowing, shows no concern about wrecking others’ lives, does not accept blame, eliminates barriers at any cost, engages in pathological lying, shows a lack of a conscience, remorse, guilt, or shame, and does not see others around them as people but as targets and opportunities,” Fauci explained. “Instead of friends, the sociopath has victims–and accomplices who end up as victims. While we’re certain Donald Trump is a sociopath, there’s no evidence that the personality disorder can spread from one human to another,” he added.

Fauci said that several members of the Trump administration had the personality disorder as a pre-existing condition and that Trump’s presidency merely put it in the spotlight. Fauci added that while many Republicans display selective outrage, a loss of values, a lack of empathy, and an absent conscience, it’s unlikely they have contracted the condition.

“When Trump does that thing where he lavishes praise on himself while people are dying, or when he wrecks people’s careers because they tell the truth–you’re not going to catch that,” Fauci explained.

Trump said Jarod Kushner will take over for Fauci later this week.

3 thoughts on “CDC Assures Americans Whatever Trump Has Isn’t Contagious

  1. Thank you Dr Kirschner. I have never seen symptoms of trumpdisease listed so completely. I have heard the antidote won’t be available until November and I am counting the days until td is expunged. Until then, despite your assurances, I will continue to self-quarantine as much direct visual and audio contact as I can.

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