Kushner Discovers Cure for Common Cold

Real estate agent Jared Kushner has cured the common cold. Working with researchers at MIT for the past two weeks, Kushner is credited with mapping the breakthrough gene sequence. “The President’s son-in-law disabled a single, apparently noncritical protein in cells that has foiled the virus,” explained Nitri Collier, head of at MIT’s Chemical Biology and Immunology Department.

“Once I cracked the code of the defense host peptides, it was easy,” Kushner said. “Not as easy as creating peace in the Middle East, but still easy,” he added.

The new medication, which will be called Ivankatin, resolves symptoms within hours. Pfizer will sell the drug. Kushner said he has no conflicts of interest. He sits on the Board of Pfizer and owns stock in the company. Proceeds from stock sales will go to the Donald J. Trump Foundation and the bulk purchase of more Donald Jr. books.

The MIT team credited Kushner’s background in condos for the breakthrough. Kushner now plans to move on to his next project, preventing the weaponization of pathogens resulting from technological progress in synthetic biology and genetic engineering. Trump said Kushner is definitely ready for the next national healthy emergency given his experiencing in real estate.

One thought on “Kushner Discovers Cure for Common Cold

  1. As soon as I read the sentence about “host peptides”, I thought of the movie “Romy and Michelle’s High School Reunion” when “Michelle”, in a dream sequence, is explaining how she invented the glue for Post-it notes. I envisioned Jared Kushner doing the same thing with his cure for the common cold, in his presentation to the medical community. Very funny.

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