New Website Allows Consumers to Expedite Identity Theft

A new Silicon Valley tech startup offers Americans the opportunity to share all of their personal information with hackers on its website. Consumers can post social security numbers, birthdates, previous addresses, credit card numbers, debit card PINs, and their mother’s maiden name.

The company,, charges a one time flat fee of $99 that is withdrawn without customers’ permission. Additional charges may apply but will not be disclosed until customers notice money missing from their bank account.

Barry Biertloff, a former hedge fund manager, created the company to put defenseless people out of their misery.

“All Americans are going to have their identity stolen and lives ruined at some point,” Biertloff explained. “Why wait? Eliminate the fear. Just give them the digits now.”

Americans have responded favorably. Biertloff stated that the website received more than 400,000 social security numbers the day it launched.

“We were looking for a way to give up on our lives and just go broke for good and this was the easiest outlet we found,” said local resident Shani Wines, who admitted she keeps a spare key to her car taped inside her mailbox at 12 Palmetto Lane in Santon, North Carolina.

“I had saved $208,000 for my son’s college tuition but I figure it’s better the hackers get it. My son doesn’t really want to go anyway,” said Jenny Daventer who, born on July 15, 1965,  said she converted all passwords to mypassword17 (all lowercase) to make it easy.

“I went to Target the other day and just let them keep my credit card” said Gino Chartock who lives on 22 Elsbery Lane in Peekaw, Massachusetts. He added that his garage door password is 5206 and nobody is home Monday through Friday from 8:00 a.m. to 6:00 p.m. and to ignore the “Beware of Dog” sign because they don’t really have a dog.

“I thought maybe I would buy a house next year but I realize I’m going to be a victim of identity theft and my credit score will plunge so–oh, forget it!” said Rebecca Molton, who posted her checking account routing number (555-2375-1433-9384) on the website.

Spokespeople for Equifax, Target, Whole Foods, and other companies that have been hacked and given away the private information of millions of customers could not be reached for comment as their phone lines have been busy for weeks.

2 thoughts on “New Website Allows Consumers to Expedite Identity Theft

  1. Every day there seems to be less and less protections for the consumer. I wish that people would do with less things and pay with cash but I know everything is so expensive and advertising is geared to get people to spend money they don’t have. It is sad that banks can charge 29% interest and get away with it.

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