chris christie

Chris Christie’s Conscience Found in Abandoned Building

NEWARK, NJ–Police investigating a missing child report found New Jersey Governor Chris Christie’s conscience in an abandoned crack house Wednesday. New Jersey voters first reported it missing in 2010. Investigators transported Christie’s conscience to the coroner’s office for an autopsy.

The coroner reported that he found a very clear series of messages in Christie’s conscience that appeared undisturbed. The messages included advice not to close the George Washington Bridge, force pigs to live in gestation crates, go on endless entertainment junkets, run for President, or support Donald Trump’s presidential candidacy.

“I’ve never seen a conscience with so much unused guidance,” the coroner wrote in his report. “It’s as if Christie was walking around without it all these years.”

When authorities notified Christie they found his missing conscience, he told them he had no use for it.

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