LAKE BUENA VISTA — Florida wildlife officials caught the man they believe is responsible for an alligator dragging a 2-year-old Nebraska boy into the Seven Seas Lagoon at Walt Disney World. The arrest ends a manhunt that spanned the Magic Kingdom Resort executive offices.
Expert analysis and observations by staff confirmed that the executive was a nuisance human and had to be removed.
“We assembled a team with extensive experience analyzing fatal negligence,” said Orlando Sheriff Joey Mitolo. “This was our guy and we did what we needed to do to eradicate the problem.”
After determining that the executive was too dangerous to leave in the resort, authorities decided to euthanize him shortly after his arrest. It remains unknown why authorities didn’t relocate the executive to another resort where it would be safer for him to work rather than kill him.
Authorities say an alligator pulled the child into the water June 14 after the resort executives failed to let visitors know that the water was filled with alligators that would pull them into the water. It remains unclear if other invasive humans were involved in the killing.
The alligator could not be found for comment as he continued to swim in the lagoon where he belongs.
4 thoughts on “Officials Believe they Captured Disney Executive Responsible for Boy’s Death”
Ha! Watch out, “nuisance humans”!
I just re-read this sentence:
“Expert analysis and observations by staff confirmed that the executive was a nuisance human and had to be removed.”
and it hit me…my god, that can be said for almost any corporation, business, government, etc., in existence today…
such a horrible story: But of course your satire is good