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Ringing Bros. Replacing Elephants with Trump

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BRIDGEPORT – Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus is phasing out the use of elephants in their shows after a public backlash criticizing their mistreatment of the animals. The circus had argued the elephants are safer being abused in their care then they are being shot and killed by Eric and Donald Trump Jr. in the wild. The Trumps, who have been photographed holding the tail of an elephant they killed for fun, supported the decision.

Ringing Bros. confirmed today it will replace the elephants with presumptive Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump, according to a spokesman. Ringling Bros. CEO Buck Evans said the company has been searching for something with the same spectacle and allure to step in for the elephants.

“We needed an exhibition that defies belief–a con man, sideshow, or carnival barker. Our search committee found someone mentally unstable, nonsensical, and incorrigible–the likes of which nobody has ever seen before and we mean that in the worst way. Trump was the obvious choice,” Evans explained. Evans confirmed the circus trainers will use a bullhook as they did with the elephants to subdue Trump and make him do tricks. Trump spokesperson John Barron said he is confident Trump will make the circus great again. He added, “That I can tell you.”

City council members throughout the country rushed to repeal the ban on the bullhook in cities where it exists.

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