Negative Advocacy for Animals National Conference

Are you searching for ways to reduce your positive impact on animals’ lives? Join us at the First Annual Negative Advocacy for Animals National Conference. This event provides everyone who always has something bad to say about good news the opportunity to hone their morale depletion skills. Here is a glimpse into some of the counterproductive presentations and breakout sessions:

Day 1 – Veganism: A Movement Whose Time Can Wait
1) The Word Vegan: Preventing People from Using it Without Our Permission
2) Vegan or Nothing: Eliminating the Middle Ground
3) Progress: Why It Harms Animals
4) Meatless Mondays: How to Get People Not Eating Meat on Mondays to Start Eating Meat on Mondays Again if They’re Not Going to Stop Eating Meat Every Other Day
5) How to Stop People from Putting Daiya Cheese on Hamburgers
6) Hampton Creek: What’s Taking So Long?
7) Cultivated Meat: Gross!

Day 2 – Famous People: Who Needs Them?
1) Miley Cyrus: How to Stop Her from Singing about Showing Compassion for Animals and Why Her Millions of Fans will Never Listen
2) Ending Paul McCartney’s Vegetarian Thanksgivings
3) Bill Clinton: Vegan for Health Reasons Does NOT Count!
4) What Are We Going to do about Beyonce?*
*Includes a trip to Capitol Hill to lobby legislators to pass a law forbidding anyone who wears fur from promoting plant-based food

Day 3: Ineffective Advocacy 101
1) Attacking Vegetarians for Eating Cheese
2) The Art of Inspiring People to Hate You
3) On Being Perfect
4) Campaigning Against Non-Vegan Companies Offering Vegan Options
5) Turning Good News into Bad News
7) Bashing Animal Rights Organizations No Matter What They Do
8) Wishing Death Upon People

Day 4: Undercover Investigations
1) Identifying Leather Belts from a Distance
2) Testing Veggie Burgers for Fish Oil

Special Bonus Session if you Register by July 1
How to Come Completely Unglued When Someone You Don’t Even Know Blocks You on Social Media Instead of Ignoring It like a Healthy Person

Event Sponsors
Armani, McDonald’s, Ringling, Donna Karan, Chris Christie, SeaWorld, Ruth’s Chris Steak House, Animal Agriculture Alliance, Ted Nugent, Chik fil A, and Steve King. With special thanks from all those who harm animals.

Tickets will be ridiculously expensive. Food will be served by a restaurant claiming to be vegan. Venue to change without notice. Acoustics will be awful. Parking will be insufficient.

Buy your tickets at


34 thoughts on “Negative Advocacy for Animals National Conference

    1. Hi Lin – The website has been down because there has been so much traffic on it. We’re holding the conference at comedian Steven Wright’s house. Are you interested in attending?

        1. Thank you! We will send you photos! We’re expecting unprecedented amounts of negativity. We chose a location inconvenient to most people for that reason.

          On Mon, Jun 22, 2015 at 11:03 PM, Kirschner's Korner wrote:


      1. Can’t believe you actually responded to this inquiry. Dying of laughter over here!!
        Ps see you in France! Lol!

  1. Thank you! And I voice a thank you for all those that have “unfriended” me for morale boosting with small victories (and you know who you are). “Unequivocal” perfection has left a trail of broken hearts. Not mine ~ I’ve got the Vegan Repair Kit ~ resiliency and witty friends,
    Thanks again!

  2. I hope there is a workshop on how to throw the baby out with the bath water. For example, we should not subscribe to VegNews because they have ads for soy protein powder, and we all know that proper vegans don’t need any extra protein. It sends the wrong message, and violates the vegan creed. :p
    *seriously, someone unfriended me sharing a VegNews article about Vega Protein powder.

  3. I’ve got a few classes I’d like to teach as well:

    1. Cognitive Dissonance: How to express yourself without looking too contradictory.
    2. Denial: Go with what you do best.
    3. Animal abuse on a budget.

    May I? I love your sense of humor. Made me laugh. Thank you. 😉

  4. So I think you kind of changed my mind there for a minute with “Meatless Mondays: How to Get People Not Eating Meat on Mondays to Start Eating Meat on Mondays Again”. But then I thought back to my original thoughts. “Meatless Mondays: I only abuse animals 6 out of 7 days a week.” Is that really what we should be focusing our energy on? No need to post this comment. Just wanted to share my thoughts. But I’ve read your post like a billion times. I can’t stop laughing. Thank you. I’m sure you understand we in particular need a laugh now and then. Peace. 🙂

    1. Thank you for your comment LV. I see Meatless Mondays through a different lens.

      I don’t think about the abuse of animals in agriculture because my culture has taught me to disconnect from it. I don’t believe I can be happy eating plant-based food. I will try it on Mondays since I hear many people doing it. Wow, this is easier than I thought. Maybe I’ll keep doing it the rest of the week.

      When we think how others think, not how we think, we are at our best as advocates.

      1. I guess I’m just at the point. Don’t think? Don’t believe? Sure? Cuz I’ll make you? Ugg. I’ll figure it out. Thank you for your blog. It helps. 😉

  5. Let me say (in all caps) that…NEVER A TRUER WORD WAS SPOKEN IN JEST!
    I’m hoping the conference will become a daily… no… AN HOURLY… event! Attending once a year IS NOT ENOUGH!!

    1. p.s. In all seriousness mode now, thank you for this sentence in your reply above to Lazy Vegan:
      “When we think how others think, not how we think, we are at our best as advocates.”

      Any thoughts on the psychology behind why so many in our movement lose sight of that or can’t seem to grasp the concept?

      1. Hi Christine,

        Thank you for your question. Too few people consider how they’re perceived by people who don’t think like them. They say what they want and how they want to say it without considering what research teaches us about effective persuasive techniques. When their method doesn’t work, they become more angry and continue the same method to no avail. It’s an unfortunate approach considering it does not help animals.

  6. Thanks for the feedback, Andrew. That’s what’s so hard for me personally to understand… if the main tenet of being a vegan is not to harm animals, then why engage in behavior that does just that?
    I have been as angry and as frustrated and shed as many tears as anybody in this movement, but I don’t understand the disconnect some people have in regards to how they decide to react and how that reaction can in turn hurt (or help) the animals.
    How can people so lose sight of things that they engage in behaviors that harm the very beings they started out trying to help in the first place?
    I think there should be support group at the conference next year for “AVAAAV”…
    Angry Vegans Angry At Angry Vegans

  7. This is brilliant!

    Will “Stop Going to the Supermarket” be a session or will it be covered during “Campaigning Against Non-Vegan Companies Offering Vegan Options?”

    1. Thank you for your question. Yes, we’re having a breakout session on the importance of driving 300 miles to the nearest all vegan supermarket every week to avoid buying Gardein from your local grocery store because they also sell eggs. It will also include a discussion of the importance of telling people how they can’t understand how anybody can shop at a grocery store that sells meat even though they did it for 40 years.

  8. “How to Come Completely Unglued When Someone You Don’t Even Know Blocks You on Social Media Instead of Ignoring It like a Healthy Person”… Will the glue be vegan?!?

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