Are you searching for ways to reduce the positive impact you make in the lives of animals? Search no more! Join us at the First Annual Negative Advocacy for Animals National Conference. This event will provide everyone who always has something bad to say about good news the opportunity to hone their morale depletion skills. Here is a glimpse into some of the counterproductive presentations and breakout sessions:
Day 1 – Veganism: A Movement Whose Time Can Wait
1) The Word Vegan: Preventing People from Using it Without Our Permission
2) Vegan or Nothing: Eliminating the Middle Ground
3) Progress: Why It Harms Animals
4) Meatless Mondays: How to Get People Not Eating Meat on Mondays to Start Eating Meat on Mondays Again if they’re Not Going to Stop Eating Meat Every Other Day
5) How to Stop People from Putting Daiya Cheese on Hamburgers
6) Hampton Creek: What’s Taking So Long?
Day 2 – Famous People: Who Needs Them?
1) Miley Cyrus: How to Stop Her from Singing about Showing Compassion for Animals and Why Her Millions of Fans will Never Listen
2) Ending Paul McCartney’s Vegetarian Thanksgivings
3) Bill Clinton: Vegan for Health Reasons Does NOT Count!
4) What Are We Going to do about Beyonce?*
*Includes a trip to Capitol Hill to lobby legislators to pass a law forbidding anyone who wears fur from promoting plant-based food
Day 3: Ineffective Advocacy 101
1) Attacking Vegetarians for Eating Cheese
2) The Art of Inspiring People to Hate You
3) On Being Perfect
4) Campaigning Against Non-Vegan Companies Offering Vegan Options
5) Turning Good News into Bad News
6) TYPING IN ALL CAPS
7) Bashing Animal Rights Organizations No Matter What They Do
8) Wishing Death Upon People
Day 4: Undercover Investigations
1) Identifying Leather Belts from a Distance
2) Testing Veggie Burgers for Fish Oil
Special Bonus Session if you Register by July 1
How to Come Completely Unglued When Someone You Don’t Even Know Blocks You on Social Media Instead of Ignoring It like a Healthy Person
Armani, McDonalds, Ringling, Donna Karan, Chris Christie, SeaWorld, Ruth’s Chris Steak House, Animal Agriculture Alliance, Ted Nugent, Chik fil A, and Steve King. With special thanks from all those who harm animals.
Tickets will be ridiculously expensive. Food will be served by a restaurant claiming to be vegan. Venue to change without notice. Acoustics will be awful. Parking will be insufficient.
Buy your tickets at www.NegativeActionforAnimals.com.