Dear Snooki,

I recently learned that you expressed compassion for lobsters on Jersey Shore stating, “That’s why I don’t eat friggin’ lobster or anything like that. Because they’re alive when you kill it.”

I had a traumatic experience with lobsters as a child that eventually stopped me from eating them too. I applaud you for thinking about what you eat.

I hope you don’t mind if I ask you to do some more thinking. If you’re upset about a lobster, you might also consider listening to the sounds other animals make when people kill them for food. Simply because you don’t drop them in a pot while they’re alive doesn’t mean they suffer any less. All animals are alive when factory workers kill them.

It’s my understanding you also stated, “Every time I get excited, I have to poop.” Eating plant-based foods will help your digestive system and allow you to use the restroom at regular intervals following each meal. This decision should prevent you from having accidents when you get nervous.

I commend you for showing an interest in saving lobsters and I appreciate your statement: “I fu*kin’ like save animals like that’s what I do.” Please consider extending your concern to all animals by trying 30 Ways in 30 Days: A Guide for Compassionate Living.

Thank you for keeping an open mind.

On behalf of all animals,

Andrew Kirschner