Philadelphia — Despite years of protests and a national boycott of everything Michael Vick following his involvement in dog fighting, Philadelphia Eagles defensive end and Vick teammate Jason Babin announced this week that he plans on participating in the Running of the Bulls in Pamplona, Spain, an event that results in vicious maiming and killing of bulls and people. “I need my ‘man card’ stamped,” Babin told reporters. He added that this event will be his “rite of passage” since risking paralysis playing professional football isn’t manly enough.
Sensing the team could not care less what anyone in the public thinks, including the fans who pay their salaries, Eagles Coach Andy Reid announced the team will begin touring other countries to inflict harm on animals. “I see it’s something a lot of the guys are interested in so I figure it will be a good bonding experience. We’re thinking of shooting some elephants with the Trump kids in Africa and maybe skinning some foxes alive with Jennifer Lopez in China.”
“I was hesitant at first because of the whole dog thing,” Vick explained, “but now I see that killing bulls and other animals doesn’t really have anything to do with dogs. Most people just care about dogs so this should be fine.”